Remembrance

As I sit here in my room at UConn, I am almost entirely preoccupied with present concerns: trying to rearrange my class schedule for my last semester of college, facing down an overwhelming workload for my two jobs, putting in the face time to build connections with all 31 of my new residents (most of them 1st year students), reuniting with old friends, trying to train for a half marathon, and contemplating my post college game plan. I’m stressed and fried already and it’s only the first day of classes! Right now I’m task oriented, I’m stretched across multiple demanding occupations, I have Chrome, Firefox, Finder, iCal, Spotify, Wunderlist and Word open on my laptop and I keep forgetting what I’m supposed to be working on. I’m hot and my body is shaking for some reason- it’s likely I’m dehydrated.

It’s at times like this that my experience in South Africa, and the person I was while I was there, seems so far away.  I think of it now as a period of calm centeredness and focused attention. While abroad, I feel like I was more present, more relaxed, more connected to the world, my life, and those around me. I encountered and processed each need and each situation as it came to me: I’m hungry, I’m walking to the grocery, I’m cooking; I’m leaving the house, I’m locking the gate, I’m hailing a minibus taxi, I’m counting my coins, I’m enjoying the ride; I’m in the city, I’m texting a friend, I stop for coffee, I go for a walk, etc.

It was so easy. When I needed to get out of the house and away for a while, I packed my bag and left, and could lose myself somewhere out in the city, and not come back for hours. When I needed a friend, they were at the ready. When I needed to be distracted or awed or moved, it would happen.

Life now feels very different. I miss South Africa, I miss who I was while I was there, though I’m still that same person. I miss the uneven sidewalk that led to our house in Rondebosch. I miss the view of Lion’s Head and Fresnaye from Sea Point, and the feeling of warm tile or cool grass on my feet. I miss running through Salt River and Observatory and Mowbray and Rondebosch, alternately fearing for my safety along deserted alleyways and subways and reveling in the bustling, multiethnic throngs along the Main Road. I miss the way Table Mountain looks from the market on top of Cape Town Station, especially during winter when clouds have socked in the top of the mountain and Capetonians are bundled in jackets and pants, the skies grey and the air cool. I miss backpacking, crossing South Africa by foot, minibus, van and bakkie, passing through gorgeous and unique realms, a transient visitor. I miss the journey.

As any previous readers of this blog can easily tell, I abruptly stopped blogging in March. This occurred because we left Cape Town to go on excursion to Johannesburg and Mpumalanga, and I was already backlogged in chronicling my experiences. Upon return from excursion, blogging become a lesser priority. Before I knew it, the program was over, and I was occupied with preparations for my trip; then I was off.

I have no good reasons for why I have not updated this blog in the nearly three months since then. I will apologize, but I will also make it right: I’m going to pick up, more or less, where I left off. Expect more photos, more ridiculous stories (aka bad decisions), and a lot more musing, because I’ve been musing a lot since March. I have so much to be thankful for, and I want to share that with you.

Stay tuned for my first post.